My Dad

1-4-2022 my dad passed away from complications due to covid 19. It was a 5 week long battle, 3 of those weeks being on a ventilator. I keep thinking to myself, I should ask my dad____, I should tell my dad about this kids Dr appointment, I should tell my dad___. But, I can't because he is gone. This has been one of the hardest things I've had to go through and one of the most rapid emotionally up and down times I have had in a long time. I don't know how to cope with all the emotions and stresses but I keep trying to think about the fact that he is in heaven now and he is no longer suffering. 

The kids miss him and it angers me that I cannot do anything about it. 

Isaac and grandpa September 2018

Ava and grandpa 7-4-19

Scarlett and grandpa 2020

Alex and grandpa July 2021

I wish I could go back and do things over again. It's not right that he was taken from us this way. 

When I got the news my dad had passed I was taking a bath trying to relax my worried mind, listening to thank you Jesus for the blood by Charity Gale. I sat there holding a hand towel over my face wadded up to collect the tears and muffle my voice as I screamed in agony, heaving, trying to keep as quiet as I could as I did not want the kids to know what I was going through at that moment. I have never been that emotional in all my life, and I was incapable of calming down for a good 10 minutes. 

I cried nearly continuously for 3 hours and went through so many tissues. Just as I was calming down and getting ready to head in to bed Ava comes downstairs and is emotionally distraught and needing some love. I sat up and talked with her for a solid 2 hours before going to sleep. We talked, ordered groceries online, ate snacks and watched YouTube. It was a time I cherish with her though because it was just us awake and I bonded with her I feel.